All is Crazy in Love and War
by TheArtistJD
Summary: A short, funny fan fiction about...well...I don't want to spoil it! However, it does involve Hermione's family.


**One Shot**

"Give it back!" Rose shrieked. "Give it back NOW, or I'll…"

"You'll what?" challenged Hugo. "Tell mum?" He hoisted the book higher over the stairs banister.

"No," she said, drawing herself up to full height. She was quite tall for a thirteen year old. "If you don't give me back my book, I will jinx you so horribly that you won't be able to walk for a week."

Hugo shrank back a little. "You-you can't do that-mum says that kids aren't supposed to do magic during the holidays—"

Rose sneered and shook her head. What a dumb little first year. He didn't even have a wand yet. And yet he thought that he could get away with taking her best book. "The Ministry won't be able to tell whether it was me or our parents," she grinned.

"You—you wouldn't!" said Hugo. "You just can't! I'm your brother!"

Rose took a look over the stair railing where she and her brother stood at. It would be at least a three story drop. Her book would be ruined. "Exactly why I will," hissed Rose. She took a menacing step closer.

Hugo gave a start and let go of the book. Down, down, down it tumbled…what could Rose do? In a split second impulse, she shifted her wand's aim from Hugo to the book and cried "Arresto Momentum!"

To her relief, the book stopped just about a foot from the ground, and then gently landed on the floor.

Hugo seemed as relieved as Rose, until she turned on him, her wand aimed at him once more. For a moment, they just stared. Then, all of a sudden, Hugo broke into a run and rushed downstairs, Rose close at his heel, yelling insults and other very nasty things.

Like a dog pursuing a cat, they ran up and down the stairs, through the many rooms of the house, and finally, the kitchen, where Hermione was just ordering the knives to fly back into their places. Hugo and Rose both ducked as half a dozen knives whizzed past them.

"Rose! Hugo!" Hermione shrieked. "What is wrong with you two? You could've done yourselves a serious injury!"

Just then, Ron apparated into the kitchen, causing Hermione to yelp and jump back. "You all are making a racket! I wouldn't be surprised if the Muggles could hear through our 'Muffliato" charm! What is going on in here?"

"That," Hermione said, having regained her composure, "is what I'd like to know."

Before Rose could say anything, Hugo burst out, "Mum! Rose tried to do the Jelly-Legs Jinx on me!"

Hermione rounded on her daughter. "Rose," she said sternly. "Is this true?"

"Well, I, yes, but—"

"And what did I tell you about doing magic outside of Hogwarts, even if you're not caught?" Hermione asked, hands on her hips.

"But mum!" Rose interrupted. "Hugo threw my favorite book down the stairs!"

"That is no excuse to try and jinx your brother!"

"But—"

"Just ask your father!" Hermione exclaimed, gesturing to Ron. "…Ron? Hello? Ron?"

Ron would have looked as if he had been petrified, if it weren't for his eyes, which were moving quickly from Rose to her wand. "Blimey Rose, I never knew you could do that jinx yet, that's almost two years ahead of you…"

"Augh!" Hermione groaned. "Whatever! But Rose, if I ever catch you jinxing or threatening to jinx your brother ever again, I will personally write to the Ministry. That's right, I would! Now both of you—"

'_**Ding Dong'**_ the doorbell rang.

All members of the family looked quizzically at each other. It was a Sunday—usually no one visited then.

But before anyone could make a move, Rose ran to the door and opened it. A tall, dark stranger towered over her.

"I haff to see Herm-own-ninny," he said.

"Who are you?" Rose asked, looking at him suspiciously.

Eyeing the wand warily, Krum answered, "An-an old friend."

"Muuuummm!" Rose called. "Someone wants to see you!"

Hermione was on the spot so fast that she could have apparated there. She gasped. "Viktor? Is that really you?"

"How many other international quidditch stars haff you dated?" he asked arrogantly. Hermione hesitated. How could she tell him that her own husband was an international quidditch star too?

All of a sudden, Krum started laughing. Looking rather alarmed, Hermione took a cautious step back.

"Oh, it is so lavlee to see you again Hermownninny!" he said. Noticing that Hermione was still speechless, he continued. "Anyvay, I haff come to ask you a velly important question." With no warning, he bent down on one knee and opened up a box with a ring in it. "I haff ended my career early for I cannot take this any longer. Ve are meant to be together. Vill you, Herm-own-ninny, come with me to Bulgaria and marry me?"

Looking rather flustered, Hermione took a deep breath. "No, I'm sorry Viktor, I-I can't."

"Vot?!" he exclaimed. He shut the box and stood back up. "Viy not?"

Hermione opened her mouth to explain, but was saved the need to by the arrival of Ron, who was with Hugo. "What the bloody hell is going on here?" Ron said, looking suspiciously from Hermione to Viktor.

"You! Vot are you doing here?" Viktor said, infuriated.

"I'm her husband you dolt." Ron said cooly.

"I-I don't understand…" said Viktor, thoroughly confused.

"Look, Viktor," Hermione said calmly, with the air of explaining to a small child. "I'm already married—to Ron. This is Rose—" She gestured to her daughter, who had been hiding in the shadows. "My eldest daughter. And this is my youngest child, Hugo."

"But-but-you-married-but I-vot about-us-and _him_-and-kids-" Viktor sputtered.

Ron grinned at his obvious distress. "That's right Krum, no more Herm-own-ninny for you!"

Hermione glared at Ron. "I'm sorry Krum, but it wouldn't have worked out anyway—me at the Ministry, you traveling with your team. You, well, were too late…" Hermione said.

"You! You both! I quit my job for you, and you married _him!_"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ron snarled.

"I veel never love again Herm-own-ninny! You have broken my heart!" Viktor ranted. "Ve were meant to be together! How could you—" He stopped abruptly as one of the Muggle neighbors walked out of her home, on her way to the gym . Her beautiful blond curls bounced around her as she walked gracefully towards her car.

"Who is she? Does she live here? How old is she?" Krum asked Hermione and Ron eagerly.

"Her name is Marie, she does live here and I'd reckon that…well…she's around your age," Ron told him.

"But she's a Muggle…" Hermione told him.

"Who cares!" Viktor exclaimed. "Votever! Ve are meant to be together!" And with that, he turned his back on the family without saying thank you, see you around, or even a goodbye, to pursue his new love.

Hermione turned to shut the door, still a bit in shock with the recent turn of events.

"Should we tell him that the Muggle girl has a husband and 4 kids?" Ron sniggered.

Despite herself, Hermione smirked and shook her head. The door gently shut.

Well, you know what they say. All is crazy in love and war. Or something like that.


End file.
